


Hare Hunting Season

by Faceworthy



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Banter, Explicit Language, F/M, Fight Scenes, Gen, Mild Plot, My First Work in This Fandom, Ninja, Other, She swears when she's angry, Snark, There are worse stretches than my plot points, mild flirting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-08 07:33:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7748854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faceworthy/pseuds/Faceworthy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naemaru Nousagi is a ninja from the Village Hidden in the Leaves who sets out on a mission to kill or capture Orochimaru. While engaged in a fight with Orochimaru, Nousagi triggers a jutsu and is sent hurtling sideways into a similar but vastly different world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not too fussed about the quality of an OC Alternate Universe Naruto fic.   
> I mean, I think its good but that is mostly compared to some of the other shit that's been posted under that banner.  
> Please Enjoy :)

The tree rose from the grass; no roots marring the green blades, nor leaves scattered about its surface. The pure emerald ended only where the bark of the ancient trees began. Yawning behind the porcelain mask, Nousagi meandered between the old and mighty trees, her footsteps barely folding the tiny blades of grass.  
It was mid morning in the outerwood and all was quiet beneath the foliage with not even a whisper of wind to ease the silence.  
Nousagi of course made no noise of her own, besides the clip of her teeth as her yawn abated, leaving her with teary eyes and a wish for her bed, stronger than she thought was possible.

5 weeks away from home had left her more than a little homesick. She missed her bed, and her tiny crappy apartment. She missed the little store that was always open and sold cold sake and cheap apples. She missed her neighbours that yelled at 3am and the cat that would visit in the crest of the morning. If she was being honest, (which was never very likely) she also missed her genin team, and her sensei and that brat that thought he was tough shit and that kid's father.  
It had been a long time since she'd seen any of their smiling faces and the deep dread she felt as she hurried her walk, was that she was never going to see them again.   
Another yawn cut across her before she could stop herself and coincidently cut off her train of thought.  
That kind of thinking was never healthy.

Whistling slightly she glanced back over her shoulder, reaching out behind her with chakra she checked for anyone else. There was a rabbit warren beneath the roots of a tree 40 paces away but she figured none of them cared for her. Although she did note it in case she ever needed a feed on the run.  
Still whistling, Nousagi approached the nearest tree.  
Standing at its base she hesitated reaching out to pat down the bark. It was only to her (extensively) trained and expectant eye that she saw the slight scuff marks that told off the traffic across its surface. Nousagi gave a huff of irritation.  
'Is it really so difficult to jump up the tree trunk like we're supposed to?' she complained to that void in her mind.  
With barely a twitch of difficulty she crouched slightly and launched herself straight up the trunk. She was a good 25 feet up before her momentum waned and she leaned back slightly, catching herself on the barren trunk with her feet and one hand planted firmly on the wood. With a grin beneath a rabbit mask she launched herself upwards again, this time at a full sprint, her arms splayed out behind her as she went. She landed deftly on the first branch wide enough to bare her weight, and adjusted the pack slung across her back before she carried on.   
The wide and dark leaves of the old wood blurred past her as she picked up speed, her legs and arms propelling herself forward (homeward) without concious thought. In no time at all, she was flying. As free and fast as any wind, as quiet and soft as any shadow.

Naemaru Nousagi embodied her namesake, as the path within the trees opened before her and she bounded home.  
***  
10 leagues away a man nodded, money changed hands, and the world waited with baited breath to see what came after.


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We properly meet Nousagi and she meets the world she's landed herself in along with some people you might have heard of?  
> Team 7?  
> She dislikes Sasuke, Sakura is annoying, Naruto is a precious cinnamon roll too pure for this world and she fangirls over Kakashi, until it turns out she doesn't actually care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Masashi Kishimoto owns all the stuff you recognise. I own all the stuff you don't.

 

 

Nousagi woke with the rising sun, eyes fluttering open to greying light of her assigned quarters before rolling over onto her stomach and pressing her face into her pillow until she lost conciousness.

When she woke properly it was a much more reasonable midday and she felt she had slept in enough. So rising from the slightly too short bed she stumbled over the foreign hard wood floors to relieve herself.

 

The bathroom she noted as she woke properly, was pristine white tiles. The bloody things all _glowed_ from the too bright light of the bare bulb above. It hurt her sleep fuzzled mind something fierce. Blinking through the glare she finished her business and walked back out into her new place of rest, because she certainly wasn't going to call it home.

 

The studio apartment on the top floor of the building had few distinguishing features that she could see. She had a moderately sized bathroom complete with moderately sized bath, a kitchen and a balcony big enough for too small chairs. Or maybe a pot plant and an armchair? She shook her head and stopped trying to sort out the décor. The bed was to the right of the balcony door, the kitchen bench further along and the bathroom along the wall to the left. Other than the fridge, the bed and the oven, the room was completely bare of furniture. Truth be told she was surprised she'd had toilet paper, but that was probably just one of those things. She didn't know if that's what happened in her own village.

 

Nousagi shook her head and without thought remade her bed, then picked up her clothes from the rumpled pile on the floor. She'd arrived with very little by way of clothing, but more than she should have had, thinking on it. Her team had run into the one they had been sent to capture or kill on their way to meet with the other team sent on the mission. What had ensued was a battle that Nousagi could both hardly remember and never forget. Which meant that the ANBU gear she'd had sealed away until she was given the clear to use it had remained sealed in the scroll. In the scroll that was now on the ground somewhere she couldn't get to. Possibly ever again.

 

So what she'd slept in was her underwear (perfectly serviceable boycuts, no matter what Chikako said) and the purple bindings she wore over her chest and stomach. Those had fallen into disarray through the night (surprising nobody) so she unwound them and tightened them up again. Once all was right with her chesticles she pulled on her pants and green over vest before stretching her arms over head, doing her best to bite back another yawn.

It had been 4 days since she had been moved (dragged) to the village that wasn't hers and it was the first time she'd been able to have a full night's rest after so many hours of interrogation and questioning and discussing.

Sarutobi-sama (to whom she had explained her reluctance to use his proper title) had finally noticed she was dead on her feet and organised, in the dead of the night, for her to stay in an apartment. Nousagi, while tired, irritable, confused and more than a little paranoid felt entirely grateful, not only to him, but also to the guard that had escorted her there. She couldn't quite remember his name but the bandage over his nose was quite eye catching; she would find him later. Maybe.

 

It took a little bit more searching but after a minute or two she found one of her gloves, the left one. She might have carried on with her search but a knock on her door distracted her and she could not be bothered anymore.

 

Pulling her now solo glove onto her left wrist she unlocked and slid open the front door. Standing before her was the Bandage Nose-kun and another nin in a bandana with straight hair.

There was an uncomfortably long pause as both parties stared.

 

“Hello,” Nousagi began. “I was just about to leave.”

 

Bandage-kun nodded and his face melted into an open smile “Hokage-sama asked for us to escort you around today, seeing as you'll be needing a few things during your stay in Konohagakure.”

 

Nousagi responded with a smile of her own. “That is a relief,” she sighed turning and going about putting on her shoes. “I had no idea how I was going to find anything here.” She sat on the step by leading further into the house and smiled up at both of them. “I guess he already told you, but my name is Naemaru Nousagi and I'm sorry to say that I don't remember yours.”

 

Bandage Nose-kun waved away her faux pas and grinned somewhat. “Don't worry about it too much, we didn't exactly get around to formalities.”

 

Nousagi gave him a quick grin as she tied her last shoelace. “I was pretty out of it last night.”

 

“I'm Hagane Kotetsu, and this is Kamizuki Izumo,” he said gesturing behind himself.

 

Nousagi stood and bowed politely, her 'visitors' quickly following suit. “I find myself in your hands.” she straightened and smiled. “Shall we go get something to eat first? I found nothing but dust in these cupboards.”

 

The pair turned and lead the way down the hall, expecting Nousagi to follow. She stepped quickly out and closed the door behind her. Izumo hesitated. “You aren't going to lock it?”

 

Nousagi shrugged. “Not a lot in there to steal.”

 

They made brief eye contact and then shrugged simultaneously before carrying on. “Do you mind grabbing something to eat on the move? You slept longer than we thought you would and well,” Kotetsu chuckled nervously, glancing back at her but she smiled reassuringly.

 

“Don't worry about me Hagane-san,” she laughed. “I eat like a bird. Is there anywhere near here I can grab a couple of apples? Or a sandwich or a cupcake?”

 

“There's a convenience store down the street,” Izumo replied in a bored tone. “What exactly did you need today?”

 

“Toiletries, food and a book. All else falls by the wayside a bit.”

 

Kotetsu grinned. “Practical.”

 

“It's one of my more endearing traits.”

 

Both snickered and she felt her mood rise.

 

* * *

 

Munching on an apple, Nousagi wandered down the aisles of the civilian clothing store, keeping an eye out for colours she liked.

She'd never really fancied herself a picky kind of girl. Living out of a backpack and living off grubs tended to loosen the meaning of 'luxury'. But Nousagi found that she couldn't find anything that she liked. Izumo and Kotetsu were waiting somewhere at the front of the store. Neither wanted to hover over a woman shopping. She could hear them sometimes. Whispered conversations while they waited with infinite patience. She had a couple sets of pyjamas slung over her arm, one set light the other warm and a towel with some sorely needed toiletries was in a bag with Izumo.

All she needed now was some day clothes. And underwear. But that was the easiest part. Any would do. She sunk her teeth into the unmarred flesh of her apple to hold it there while she inspected a grey coat. At least she tried to. The wool shocked her as she touched it and with a heavy heart she replaced it on the rack.

 

“Can I help you Miss?”

 

Praising all gods, Nousagi smiled at the middle aged woman. “I need some new clothes. A few set of shirts and pants,” she began, thinking longingly of her overstocked wardrobe at home. “It all must be loose for ease of movement and I am particular to the colour purple.”

 

The woman lost some of her warm concern, to be replaced with wary concern. “You wouldn't happen to be a ninja would you? Because we don't sell clothes that are made to survive the wear and tear of...missions.”

 

Nousagi gave a warm smile, none of her tenseness showing through as she consciously relaxed her body language. Waving her hand she laughed, “No, no. I just don't like to be too confined when I walk around.”

 

The woman clearly didn't believe her, but allowed the matter to drop. “If you'd like to go to the change rooms I can see what I can find.”

 

Nousagi smiled blandly and moved along to the back of the shop, trying not to listen to the dark mutterings behind her.

 

“She's really rude isn't she?”

 

Nousagi looked away from the signs above the racks and caught the sight of bright pink and bright burgundy. “What?” she muttered, more in surprise of the festive colours than the comment.

 

“I said she's quite rude,” the girl reiterated. “She's always like that when she runs into ninja.”

 

Nousagi glanced back where the woman was irately straightening clothes. “That would make a kind of sense.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Well this is a civilian clothing shop,” Nousagi began. “And many civilians feel...nervous around ninja.”

 

The girl squared her shoulders and her nose rose just a little. “It still doesn't mean she gets to be rude.” Nousagi knew a lost cause when she saw one and simply nodded.

 

“I'm Haruno Sakura.”

 

“And I am Naemaru Nousagi,” she replied with a proper bow and the girl followed suit, more than a little surprised.

_'Do people not greet each other properly here?'_ she wondered briefly. ' _Or do they expect me not to bother.?'_

 

“SAKURA-CHAN!!”

 

A rather alarming pulse appeared on her head and Nousagi raised an eyebrow as an offensively orange mass of energy bounded out of the women's lingerie section from the back of the shop. The second thing that caught her attention was that he had at least 3 brassieres stuck to his hair and more on his back.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU NARUTO!” the previously polite Sakura hollered across the shop.

 

“PLEASE SAKURA I CAN'T GET THEM OFF OF ME!!!” the Orange Pervert begged coming to a stop before the Pinkette.

 

Nousagi had a lot of experience with genin.

While not training herself or on missions she would help her old Sensei with his new genin team and she had a friend with a son in the Academy. So it was fair to say that she had more experience with the armed youth of ninja society than most her age bracket. So it was with something like regret, but not exactly that Nousagi intervened.

 

Sakura didn't even realise what had happened before her fist jarred against empty air and her eyes snapped open. A few aisles away Nousagi released a stunned Orange Child who looked up at her with the biggest bluest eyes she had ever seen. In them, she saw a question she couldn't hope to understand.

“Hold still a moment yeah?” Nousagi laughed. “These are hard to get undone by even the greatest of veterans.” Somewhere a man choked on his own spit and the Orange Wonder looked super confused.

 

“What?”

 

“Never mind kid,” She smiled reassuringly. “Just remember so that in 5 or 6 years you'll look back and think I'm the funniest person you know.”

 

“Who are you?”

 

“How did this even happen?”

 

The Orange-kun looked away and his cheeks turned pink. 'do _all kids around here come in pastel colouring?'_

“Well I was doing-”

 

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?”

 

The Orange Avenger bristled as the older woman advanced, a healthy dose of murder in her eyes. “Why are covered in lingerie? Are you thick? Is this really what I spent my money on? A perverted brat scaring away my customers?”

 

“Well its not like you had many to beg-”

 

“We're so sorry Ma'am,” Sakura cut in, sliding into the minimal space between the two older women. “Naruto is an idiot but this won't happen again.” She turned to Naruto and glared. “Apologize now you dolt,” she snapped.

 

“Its not my fault!” naruto whined. “There was this HUGE rat and I was gonna catch it but-”

 

“There are no rats in my shop you insufferable brat,” the shop attendant turned shop owner snapped.

 

“What did you do this time Naruto?” At this point, Nousagi fully expected to turn and find someone wearing a green suit and tie wandering towards them. What she did find advancing from the nethers of the store was what appeared to be a small walking ego. He held himself like he owned the place and everyone was beneath him. His juvenile arrogance flicked at some nerve of hers and she desperately wanted to settle the score with the punk. Only knowing that she had no idea who the heckers he was stopped her from squaring up. Aside from that, she was glad he wasn't wearing a bright colour but even so, questioned his choice of white shorts. Also, his hair was _way_ too fluffy for him not to have worried over it in front of a mirror.

 

“I was trying to get that rat and I think it may have been an enemy ninja because it-”

 

“Shut up Naruto,” Sakura snapped again and Nousagi watched as Naruto wilted slightly. “You're such an idiot. Isn't that right Sasuke-kun?” the way she sighed his name sent a sickening shiver up her spine and she blanched slightly where only Naruto could see. Well, Naruto and Kotetsu who was watching from between some racks of clothes.

 

“Why don't we go into the back and I'll help you take the rest of these off,” Nousagi suggested quietly. “I think your team mates have this in hand.”

 

With a megawatt grin Naruto nodded and spun taking off towards where he'd come from. Without much thought, Nousagi followed.

 

The back room was a mess. Like a disaster level mess. Clothes were piled everywhere. Stacked high and thick and Nousagi couldn't make heads or tails of it. So she opted to ignore it.

 

“We haven't been properly introduced,” Nousagi began. “I am Naemaru Nousagi. Pleasure to meet you.” Rather than bow, Nousagi stuck out her hand and grinned, trying to erase that sadness behind his eyes.

 

She didn't have to try very hard because the very next second he grabbed her hand and shook it like a limp noodle. “I'm Uzumaki Naruto!” and he leapt back, striking a pose with his chest puffed out. “And I'm going to Hokage! Believe it!”

 

Something twinged in Nousagi's chest but she smiled through it. Nostalgia could be such a bitch. She bowed. “Well then all the more a pleasure. Now will the Future Hokage please hold still so I can remove the dozen or so bras stuck to his jumpsuit?” He blushed and spun on the spot., giving her access to his many problems.

It was quiet work but Nousagi managed to disentangled the poor child in a short time and when she'd unhooked the very last of the bastards.

“There's the last of them.”

 

“Thanks a bunch for that dattebayo,” He said bashfully, turning around and smiling up at her. “I really was trying to catch a rat though. I don't know why she had to go off like that.”

 

Nousagi shrugged and tossed the bras onto the nearest pile. “She might just be having a bad day.”

It was a weak excuse and neither party really believed it but Naruto ignored it. Thats all that mattered.

 

“What is your mission? If you're allowed to tell me that is.”

 

“I think its fine, dattebayo,” he shrugged. “We have to-”

 

“Naruto-kun! Could you please come out and give the owner an apology?”

 

“But Kakashi-sensei! There was this huge rat and it ran off with my tagger and-hey nee-san? You alright?”

 

Nousagi stood ramrod straight where she had turned to face the newcomer. He was taller than her, silver hair sticking up at a weird angles and a familiar orange novel in hand.

Heat rose in her cheeks as she stared at him, her mouthing gaping open like a fish as she tried to take in all of him at once. This moment had to be remembered for always. He slouched terribly, his forehead protector was slanted over his left eye and he was looking at her weirdly.

In the back of her mind, she noted that he knew who she was. She noted that he calculated the distance between Naruto and herself. She noted the moment he decided he could take her on. She noted to laugh at that later.

She also noticed that Kotetsu and Izumo had come in behind Kakashi and were giving each other meaningful glances.

 

“Hey Nee-san?” Naruto came around her and waved in her face but Nousagi ignored him.

She swallowed and took a step forward.

 

“Looks like you have another fan girl Kakashi-san,” Kotetsu snickered.

 

“And I was hoping she wouldn't get taken in by all that 'mystery man' stuff,” Izumo sighed. “But whatever man you owe me mon-”

 

“HOW TALL ARE YOU?” she question burst out of her before she had a chance to think it through. There were probably other questions she could have asked first but the height thing just seemed most important.

 

All present seemed a little taken aback by the question but none looked so askance as Kakashi. “I'm, ah, 5 feet 11 inches.”

Nousagi seemed to pull back into herself as she considered his words and no one could quite figure out what she was going on in her head. It made the ninja nervous but the genin was simply confused.

 

“What has that got to do with anything dattebayo?” Naruto asked cautiously.

 

Nousagi's eyes snapped to him and he snapped to attention under the intensity of her gaze. “He must never know,” she said with such certainty that Naruto promised not to breath a word of it to him, ever. If only he knew who 'he' was.

 

Her gaze cleared and she smiled. “Well anyway.” She went to move into the actual store. “I have more errands to run today and then I'll let you two get back to your day jobs.” She said to her chuunin guards. “It was lovely meeting you Naruto-kun. Good luck with the rats.”

 

“Hey hold on a second.”

 

blocking the door was the very serious looking Walking Ego-kun. “You never told us your name.”

 

“Or why you need to know Kakashi-sensei's height,” piped up Sakura from behind the Floofed Haired One.

 

Nousagi gave them both a smile just a few degrees south of freezing cold. “My name is Naemaru Nousagi. I already introduced myself, if you'd been paying attention.”

The tone was definitely not what White Shorts had expected.

“And you have other things to do today.”

Nousagi stepped past them both into the actual shop and tried not to feel so homesick. That little brat had reminded her far too much of Itachi.

 

* * *


	3. A Target is Locked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having met Team 7 the day before, Nousagi contemplate them for about 30 seconds before they bang down her door and haul her ass off to a meeting with the Hokage, the Head of ANBU and the Head of the T&I Department before she's shipped off on a field trip with the blighters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything you recognise belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, everything you don't is mine.

Nousagi lounged back on her bed, arms tucked under her head as she waited for her escort to arrive. She had been informed earlier in the morning that she was scheduled to appear before the Hokage. She failed to see how another meeting would help either of them, but she was probably just lamenting the moment she'd have to get up. She considered waiting on the roof. She could see through the curtains that had been provided yesterday that it was sunny. But she simply couldn't do it.  
Meeting Kakashi had sent her down a spiral of despair and self loathing that she hadn't broken, despite the rest she'd had through the night.  
And that kid. Sasuke.  
That had messed her up even more, although she couldn't quite put her finger on why. She'd seen heaps of people who looked like her people but weren't. She'd never met Sasuke before. So why was he so familiar?

A familiar chakra signature passed by on street level and Nousagi followed it until he passed the block. For a moment she considered following him but it was a moment later that another familiar signature that showed up at her door.

'Well,' she thought as she swung herself out of bed. 'its good to know he has the same personality as mine does. Even if he is taller.'

The knock on the door was light but insistent. He clearly knew she was already on her way. “Good morning,” he said with a small two fingered wave.

Nousagi gave a non-committal hum. “You're not wrong, exactly.” At his confused look she continued, “Its quarter to 12. still morning but not really.”

He shrugged. “My genin team were sent to come get you and escort you to the Hokage Tower.”

“They aren't with you?”

“They appear to have gotten lost on the way here.” he said it slowly, as though he didn't quite know what to do with the words.   
An unnecessarily long silence followed as both parties sized each other up.  
With the shock of the moment over, Nousagi could now see Kakashi for himself. Not just a larger version of another him. He was two inches taller than her (according to him) but he slouched so much they were eye to eye. She could tell this made him a little uncomfortable. Or maybe it was because she was just staring at him.

Kakashi was uncomfortably aware of her skin showing. She was wearing standerd jounin gear just yesterday but her shopping spree with Kotetsu and Izumo had turned up some more, personal clothes. Her crop top ended just beneath her breasts and rose up to a shanghai collar in a deep green. Her pants were charcoal and ended beneath her knee. These also quite tight, showing strong thighs. Underneath both were fishnets, running from mid-shin up to her elbows. It seemed she was intent on proving to all and sundry how powerful she was.  
He was still pretty sure he could take her.

“I'm Naemaru Nousagi,” she ventured. “We met yesterday but I neglected to ask your name.”

She assumed he smiled as his eye shut and turned into a U. “You were distracted, I seem to recall.”

Nousagi laughed and scratched the back of her neck. “Yes, I was. Won't you please come in?” He seemed terrified at the offer but accepted. “I'm sorry I don't have any great variety of drinks to offer you,” she said as she wandered into the kitchen. Kakashi removed his shoes, as he entered and sat at the small low table squeezed into the room.

“I'm not really thirsty,” he said absently.

“Its not really negotiable.” Nousagi countered in a sugar sweet voice. She carried a mug of tea to him and paused as she set it down before him. He was reading from a little orange book. The image was so foreign and familiar at the same time, her heart ached to witness it.

“How are you fitting into the village?” he asked awkwardly as Nousagi hurriedly opened the door to the verandah.

“Its quite different to my own home town but I have no complaints on how I've been treated thus far,” she hesitated slightly as she sat on the edge of her bed, staring resolutely out of the room. “Although its a lot...louder than I'm used to. And the faces on the cliff are somewhat off putting first thing.”

He chuckled a little at that and she smiled. Their laughs were the same. As she was casting about for another subject to talk about, that wasn't the book, a familiar chakra signature passed beneath her window again. This time there was company however and the three passed without incident.

“They're our past and present Hokages.” Kakashi said suddenly. “They watch over the village and remind us of our past.” Nousagi looked again at the huge faces jutting out of the mountain. “The view is lovely from up there. One can see the whole village.”

“If ever I learn to navigate the maze you call a village I'll have to go up and see it for myself,” she grinned, turning to him and noting that his cup was half empty.

“S your village isn't laid out like this?” He asked nonchalantly, to the point she knew he wasn't even trying.

She shook her head. “We have more circles than straight streets,” she admitted. “But outsiders get lost easily I think. Although, how when everything is up or down is beyond me.”

Below them once again came the familiar chakra signature and from below came shouts of irritation. She could quite clearly hear Naruto's cries as they carried on.  
But Kakashi didn't seem inclined to mention, so she followed his lead.

She glanced at him again and found him staring at her in such a way that made her instincts buck slightly. That was a look she knew well.  
“Ask what you want to ask and I'll give you an honest answer,” she said solemnly.

He cocked his head to the side and studied her. In return, Nousagi raised an eyebrow.

“DAMMIT KAKASHI,” two voices yelled from the corner down the street. “WHERE THE HELL IS THIS PLACE?”

Kakashi didn't so much as blink at the outburst but Nousagi giggled and rose from her bed. She stuck her head out of the window and spotted the Pastel duo plus one loitering on the corner. Naruto seemed the most irate, studying what she could only assume was a map as Sakura yelled at him. She turned to Sasuke at even intervals to fawn for a bit before she was right back at Naruto.  
She felt Kakashi move up behind her and tried not to tense too much.   
She looked back at him a grinned. “I have some snacks in the cupboard and a deck of cards in the draw..?” he smiled (she assumed) and moved back at the table. “but no poker, because I am awful at that game.”

“Aren't you a ninja?” he asked with a belittling look as he sat. “You should be able to cheat.”

Nousagi stuck her nose in the air and gave a little sniff as she passed him for the kitchen. “There's no reason to bring my work home with me.”

* * *

They played 4 games of Go-Fish, 2 rounds of Old Maid, 3 rounds of Poker (despite her complaints) and were playing their 7th game of Snap when they heard Kakashi's genin team bounding down the hallway with triumphant crows.  
But Nousagi refused to look away as Kakashi and herself took turns to lay down a card. This would be there last game and she refused to let him win. By the tense setting of her shoulders he was of the same mind. The door shook as Naruto (who else would bang so hard) and at the same time, Kakashi placed down a 2 over a 2.  
Chakra pumped through her arms as she lunged, her hand not even visible as she descended upon the pile of cards. Across the table, Kakashi did the same. A dead serious glint flashing in his visible eye as they both charged forward. The table cracked beneath the pressure and her heart was in her throat as she watched with horror as his hand landed beneath hers.  
For a moment, neither moved, breathing hard they stared at there overlapping hands.  
His smugness was palpable as she cried out in defeat and slammed her head against the table a couple of times in frustration. 

“Ah,” the bastard said amiably. “Looks like I win 4 to 3. better luck next time.”

Nousagi shifted her head enough to glare at him then huffed out a sigh as she rose to answer the door. “I guess I can't really complain. I mean, at least you didn't wipe the floor with me.”

“That's an excellent attitude to have,” he said in the most positive, most patronising voice Nousagi had ever heard.

“I hear you!” she snapped as she opened the door and glared at the three genin standing before her “You didn't have to try to break the door down.”

Naruto paled and stood away quickly, scratching awkwardly at the back of his neck. “Eh heh, sorry about that,” he said.

“Somebody,” Haruno Sakura glared at Naruto with the fire of a thousand suns. “Couldn't read a map properly and we're late now. We're very sorry for the inconvenience.” the three of them bowed low. Feeling contrite, Nousagi ran a hand through her hair.

“No, no. No need for that now.” she said quickly. “I was just a bit irritated about something else and I couldn't quite bury it fast enough.

“SENSEI!” Naruto suddenly burst out, pointing an offending finger through the door and into the apartment. “What are you doing here?”

“Sensei got here before us?” Sakura wailed.

“Why hello there my adorable genin,” Kakashi greeted pleasantly, the cards all stacked neatly in the centre of the table, which now sported a sizable crack. “I thought you'd never get here.”

“Don't give us that!”

“You should really try to use your indoor voices,” Nousagi urged.

“Yeah NARUTO,” Sakura agreed and her hand came up again to punch him in his head.  
Holding back a sigh, Nousagi stepped in once more, shifting the orange boy slightly out of the way of the pinkette's fist.  
It was also quite hard not to chastise her on her terrible form.

“Why don't you all come in while I pack away morning tea?” Nousagi said with a polite smile that brooked no argument.  
Kakashi gave her a strange look before turning back to his team. “I hope you all have a good excuse for being late.” He said and the resulting cries of outrage echoed in the small room.

Nousagi, listened with half an ear about getting lost (which she already knew) and something about getting lost on the road of life (which she also, had some knowledge of), while she threw out the wrappers of seaweed biscuits and sweet shortbread biscuits. Even though she never saw him eat one, he had eaten most.

“Lets head off now shall we?” Kakashi said as Nousagi rinsed out both their cups. “I'm sure Hokage-sama is getting tired of waiting for us.”

“And whose fault is that exactly?” Sakura demanded.

“Certainly not mine,” Kakashi scoffed

Naruto ignored them all as he looked Nousagi up and down. “Who are you again?”

“Naruto!” Sakura screeched.

Nousagi smiled. “We met yesterday after you were chasing the rat,” she reminded him as they trudged out onto the street. Naruto and Nousagi were leading, with Sakura behind and Sasuke walking further back with Kakashi who was reading once again.  
“My name is Naemaru Nousagi. You are Uzumkai Naruto, Future Hokage.”

The boy puffed out his chest and beamed with absolute pride, a megawatt grin lighting up his face. “Thats right! Believe it!”

“And you,” she said, turning to look at the pinkette. “Are Haruno Sakura.” looking further back she eyed the walking ego. “I'm not sure what your other team mate is called though.”

A blush bloomed across her face, clashing with her hair and dress. “That's Sasuke-kun.” she said in a hushed voice.

“Civilised people generally consider it rude to ask others information about someone who is standing right here,” The dark haired kid said from behind and his tone was not at all pleasing to her. But she swallowed her displeasure. She would play nice to her hosts, even if the kid was a pompous ass.

“My apologies,” Nousagi said, stopping and turning. “Lets do this properly then shall we? I am Naemaru Nousagi.”

The kid gave a sneer and did not return the bow. “I am Uchiha Sasuke,” he said. “Of the Uchiha Clan.”

Nousagi did not move a muscle. Not a one. Not one iota out of place.

That explained the attitude at least.

After a moment, Naruto poked at her side and she looked down at him with something like surprise. “Sorry.” she mumbled as she gave the orange kid a scrutinising glare. “I blanked out there for a second.”

“We noticed,” Sakura commented wryly. “We should really carry on if we want to make it the Hokage Tower some time today.”

“Its only early afternoon,” Nousagi said with a wave of her hand. “I'm sure we'll be fine.”

* * *

As it turned out, it was not 'fine'.

“You're 2 and a half hours late for our meeting.”

“Please excuse my tardiness. The team sent to escort me had trouble finding my quarters,” Nousagi explained as she stepped into the Hokage's private office. “I should be able to make it here on my own from here on though.”

“You will continue to use the escorts for the time being,” he said sharply as he tapped out his pipe.

“Hai, Sarutobi-sama.”

“Which team escorted you today?”

“I don't know their team number but they were lead by Hatake Kakashi-san,” Nousagi offered.

Sarutobi gave a deep sigh and rubbed at his eyes. “Yes of course it was him.” She waited patiently for him to refill his pipe and light it again. “You've met Nara Shikaku and Morino Ibiki?”

Having been given permission to notice them Nousagi turned and nodded to each man. “We meet again.”

“They are here to discuss some interesting information that an ANBU team discovered early this morning,” Sarutobi continued.

Taking his queue, Shikaku stepped forward. “Around 0100 hours this morning an ANBU team sent to Tea Country discovered a town that had been attacked by an unknown force. Upon investigation it was revealed that the attack was carried out by one person and only 3 people survived the ordeal.”

“I interviewed the survivors personally and their stories add up,” Ibiki put in. “We believe that these three were allowed to live in order to tell the story.”

“You think this was the work of Orochimaru?” Nousagi interrupted. “Tea country is south-east of here, correct? How far was it from where we showed up?”

“A fair ways,” said Sarutobi. “We found you west of Konoha on the border between Fire Country and River Country.”

“At this point we believe that Orochimaru went straight through Fire or cut through Wind and then crossed the Kawa Pass into Tea.”

“Where I'm from we know that Orochimaru has had many contacts pass through Tea,” Nousagi supplied. “At one point we even believed it was Base of Operations. Orochimaru might have thought she would find allies there, even if the terrain is different.”

“I still can't believe that the Orochimaru of your world is female,” Shikaku muttered. “So troublesome.”

“Why would she murder a whole village though?” Sarutobi asked. “And then leave 3 alive?”

Nousagi gave a hum of thought. “Well, Orochimaru of my world is a proud woman, loath to approach anyone for assistance even if she has equal sums to return the favour. The slaughter may have been a way to seek... interested parties.” She cocked her head to the side. “You say that you have the only 3 survivors?” At Sarutobi's curt nod she continued, “Then you may have stopped her from contacting anyone. For a while at least.”

“Do you know what her next move is likely to be?” Shikaku asked quietly, although he had a good idea of the answer.

“She'll try to align herself with someone rich and shady,” she answered honestly. “Are there any small-time-big-timers in or around Tea Country that she might have heard about?”

“There is Gatō,” Shikaku said slowly. “But he is of Wave Country, north of Tea.” he added for her benefit.

“Wave?” she asked, straightening slightly. “Tea and Wave border each other?”

“Why?”

“She attempted to overrun Wave some years ago, but Jiraiya and Tsunade ran her off,” she looked between them all. “She will be on her way but she will take her ever loving time about it.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, she would not like that she has a reputation here that is not her own,” Nousagi began. “Orochimaru will take her time to raze a few villages here and there. Make a holiday of the trip up. She has a history of not sticking to deadlines.”

“So far our best bet would be to set a team on Gatō and wait for Orochimaru to show up,” Ibiki growled. “I'm not overly fond of that idea Hokage-sama. It relies to heavily on outside forces and if both Orochimaru and Orochimaru meet we have to be prepared for an attack against the village.”

Shikaku nodded. “One Orochimaru is a problem, two are a disaster waiting to happen.”

“I'd like to take this opportunity to volunteer.” 

All three men turned to look at Nousagi who squared her shoulders under the scrutiny. “It is, after all still my mission to capture or kill Orochimaru even if mission parameters have change. If you need your teams here, sending me after her is the best option.”

Shikaku stroked his beard thoughtfully, staring at her in a calculating way. Sarutobi puffed on his pipe and Ibiki tensed slightly.

“This is so troublesome. I'm not against the idea.”

“Nor am I, though I feel I should be,” Ibiki turned to Nousagi. “I believe you're telling the truth about being from another world and that you have the best interests of Konohagakure at heart but a mission of this magnitude given to an outsider? I'm not against it but-”

“But you kind of are,” Nousagi cut him off. “If you won't let me do this on my own, which I was not suggesting by the way (I'm confident not suicidal), I would like to be on the team that does go. Orochimaru is my responsibility. My team fought her and now I'm here. I might as well continue on until they come for me.”

“You seem awfully sure of that,” Ibiki snorted.

Nousagi turned a glare his way. “I am sure. They will come for me and if not me then Orochimaru.” She hesitated for a moment, before turning to Sarutobi who seemed intrigued by her sudden change in manor. “Have you considered a slightly more long term issue than simply Orochimaru and Orochimaru getting buddy-buddy? As in, what if they decide to have a-although spawn might be the best term for it- have you considered they might have a kid together?”

Silence.

“Is that possible?”

“Might be,” Shikaku replied. “I wouldn't even know where to begin with that one though. Might be closer to cloning than anything else and we know Orochimaru has no problems with that.”

“Orochimaru is also prone to narcissism,” Nousagi added. “She'll likely dive right in for the chance to do the do with herself.”

All three men looked at her with open horror as the blood drained from their faces.  
“That was not a mental picture I needed,” Ibiki groaned.

“Yes,” Shikaku agreed in a grumble as he attempted to rub the image out of his eyes. “I do not appreciate that.”

Nousagi shrugged, barely managing to keep a grin off her face. “I fell like we need to be prepared in case there are little snake monsters running around the countryside in a year and a little extra incentive never hurt any body.”

“You've hurt all of us,” Shikaku said numbly.

“I'm going to send you to Wave Country,” Sarutobi said with great gravity. “You will not however, engage with Orochimaru. You are only to ascertain whether she is likely to remain in the vicinity and then return to report your findings.”

“Will I be going alone or will I be accompanying a team?”

Sarutobi gave a dark chuckle that did not bode well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a side note, no really giving much of a f*ck about this but if you're taking this seriously, leave a comment about how awful I am and how much you want me to drown in my own excrement.


End file.
